Couples Counseling Needs To Focus On The Good!
Yea we need to deal with issues in Couples Counseling but we also need to see what rocks in a relationship and tell one another about it! My book Picture Your Life helps couples be who they want to be and makes the picture of who they are as beautiful as it can be!
Couples counseling needs to go beyond just dealing with conflict. Recent research by Shelly Gable has shown that we need to focus on the good that happens to each other. They speak about how to do active constructive responding. (ACR)
This is how to do it…
How would you react to this situation? Your significant other comes home (or your close friend calls on the phone) with the news, “I just got promoted.”
Gable describes four ways that you could react to this news:
Constructive
Active: (ACR) *** “Really? Tell me more… How did you hear the news? What will be new?” ***
Passive: “That sounds good.” (Little emotion)
Deconstructive
Active: “Well, you know that means you’ll be away from home more… Are you sure you’ve thought about it?”
Passive: “Can we talk about what happened to me today?”
Try it this week. Try saying, “What else happened?” (active) “Can we celebrate?” (active) “What about this is most exciting to you?” (constructive, building on this news).
For example:
Mary: “I had a really good day at the office today. It seemed that everything was going right.
Nancy: “Kudos. What did your boss say? What was the reason for the compliment?”
1) When. Use ACR when celebrating someone’s good news. It doesn’t have to be really good news, even small good news.
2) How. Be yourself. You don’t need to be overly nice. It’s about being active and constructive.
I have had clients say to me that this is good in theory but hard to practice. It does work but you may need some support to get into the swing of it. See my email below if you would like to book a session. I see people via Skype, on the phone or in person.
Couples counseling needs a combination of learning how to deal with conflict, have a clear vision on how you want your life to be together, and to accent the good in your lives!
This method works but may feel fake at first. Please persist no harm can be done by doing it. More love creates more love!