Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy Helps

Couples therapy needs to get beyond simply on how to fight better. Conflicts do need to be resolved and couples need to learn how to communicate with dignity and grace. We all deserve to be treated well.

Here are some tips on how to resolve conflict. Be open to couples therapy.

|It’s Ok to be angry but it cannot be in the picture when you are trying to resolve a conflict.  3 ways to resolve conflict

1. Domination
2. Alienation – distancing yourselves
3. Resolution

To stay out of domination and alienation when the two are simple co-habituating we need to get to resolution.

This is not easy and I do offer affordable sessions to facilitate this process via Skype, on the phone or in person.

There are 4 Communication styles…

1. Pass on info friendly chit chat
2. Assert yourself and try to dominate or manipulate…blaming force the person to change, this includes persuading or being sarcastic (the style with the sting in its tail the receiver feels the sting always and is the one to judge) challenge this at once saying, “Sorry I cant accept that message I think you maybe using style 2 what do you think?”
3. Reasoning diagnosing and analyzing more non emotional more intellectual. This can move easily into style two. It is very hard to deal with things because the emotion is really just simmering under the surface
4. Style 4 works…First share the feeling you must do this without blaming or defending this is just an invitation to work on things then we can move into style 3… Style 3 & 4 need to work together.

There a 3 Ways to relieve anger

1. Vent anger
2. Stuff the anger
3. Communicate the anger appropriately.

One way to get comfortable with dealing with anger is to develop a policy on handling anger. We need to learn to fight with dignity! To do this is you can…

1. Acknowledge the anger as soon as you become aware of it. Give the person the right to be angry with no shame or guilt BUT with no stinging statements.
2. We renounce the right to vent anger on each other.
3. Ask the other’s help in dealing with the anger that has developed and then setting a time to work on each anger situation until it is cleared up. Sometimes it is too hot to handle then a new time needs to be set or you need to go for help.

We also need to get beyond conflict and learn how to love and appreciate each other better, click here to find out how